How to go from change-resistant to change-adaptive

How to go from change-resistant to change-adaptive

I’ve been navigating change ever since I’ve been a sixteen-year-old. Changes of many kinds, for me and for those I treasure most in life. Being an extremely change-resistant person, I have never wanted to be out of my comfort zone, but quite often if not always, change didn’t fail to knock on my door. Change couldn’t care less if I am change resistant or not. There’s a huge one that my family and I are facing, as I write this note. Through it all have I grown stronger? I would like to believe I have… but, does that comfort me to know that change is essential?

Change is inevitable, it’s the only constant in life, it makes you stronger. Well, well, how then do we embrace it? Be it small or the very big ones, for better or for worse, change is difficult. It unsettles you, it can get you to leave behind what’s precious to you, miss what or whom you love most and nudge you to adapt to the new normal; it’s never easy.  Life changes in myriad ways and although the human tendency to adapt quickly is quite true, the period of transition is painful. One can’t tell here if it is for the better.

Our lives are on a cycle of natural and spontaneous changes. For me even the small changes in the routine of everyday life seem distressing and upsetting. I like things exactly in their nominated places, things to happen at the right timing, everything to go on orderly, methodically and proximally. It surely must be so for many. For all of us on this plateau, we know we cannot always have it our way. But even for what we could term as the ‘small stuff’, change promptly steps in and tells us to shed the discomfort, for being so only binds us and makes us resist acceptance, learning and growth.

Like it or not, change has its way, it’s here to stay and so we really have no room for being afraid of it. We may feel safe and secure in the pond that we have always been in. When we don’t venture out of it, we will never know that there is also a river, a sea or an ocean out there. Someone has said holding onto something that is good for us now may be the very reason why we may not get something better.

But what about change that metes out the worse to us, as we see and experience it, does acceptance come easy? It could be the death of a loved one, a break up, a job loss, being in an accident or mishap that has debilitated you, anything that is beyond the threshold of pain for a normal individual. Seemingly our coping mechanisms run dry and how do we then cope?  Here’s some help:

  • Firstly acknowledge that what you are going through is tough. ‘This has happened to me, yes. I will not brush it away. As I do this I will begin to know, that what I thought will cripple me will be making me more courageous, stronger and graceful each passing day’.
  • Seek emotional and moral support from your trusted ones. Sharing always halves the pain.
  • Do all you can to preserve hope, knowing that there are obstacles right now, but believing in your ability to overcome them and that the future will be better than the present.
  • Since any big change causes stress, work towards taking a rational response. Go ahead and tell or coach yourself to build a life more meaningful, happier and vital than the one you have had before. Many a times we are stressed because of the views we take of our struggles and not of the struggles themselves.
  • Give yourself enough love and time for the adjustment and acceptance. It is worth it for there’s a new YOU emerging.

If you find your ability to deal with change and cope with the resultant stress is low, please do reach out for professional help. We at LeanonMe will be happy to help you.

AUTHOR: Portia , Lead Counsellor

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