“I wonder how this will end… Everyone around seem to be managing quite well… Will I end up losing my job… I think it could happen soon since I have not been doing too well…I do not see myself doing well in the future too…I am a failure…this could be the beginning of my end “…And the snow ball effect of Vivek’s self flagellating thoughts start to spiral his morale downwards and he completely drowns himself in self pity. Self talk is what happens when you make yourself the target of your own comments, advice or reminders.
As Shakespeare had said “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Human beings are constantly having an inner dialogue during an event or are overly analyzing one that has passed on, by bringing in their own perspective to the event. This dialogue can begin from giving a narrative we hold about ourselves, to the environment or a situation by constantly giving a directive while we are completing a task. This is termed as “Self Talk” and it has a bigger influence on the way we view ourselves and the world around us.
Someone who tends to be very self critical and the least forgiving towards oneself is mostly leaning towards indulging in negative self talk. And the ones who are constantly finding ways to motivate themselves, hopeful of ways to cope and moving away from the uncomfortable situations are indulging in positive self talk.
Are you leaning towards negative inner dialogues? A quick self check for you….
- Do you tend to look at the negative facets of a situation by filtering out the positives?
- Do you always anticipate the worst to happen in most situations?
- Do you tend to see things in black or white i.e., either they are good or bad?
- Do you tend to blame yourself or feel guilty when in an unfavourable situation?
Our present uncertain times could be an ideal scenario for us to analyse the pattern of our thinking and what you lean more towards. Do you tend to magnify the situation more by thinking ahead and worry about everything that could go wrong or do you try and live the moment by the day and make the best of that particular day.
How to win over your negative inner dialogue?
- Become aware of your inner critic and identify ways to manage it:
Human beings are wired to think negative as a survival instinct. Become aware and make a note of the negative verbiage you use for you and change them with an alternative encouraging response.
- Check for the triggers and put it in perspective:
Keep a check on situations that leads you to the path of self sabotage. Look at it objectively to bring in a different perspective (e.g.: Is it really bad as I am imagining in my head ?, What could be the worst case scenario?)
- Surround yourself with positive people and be easy on yourself:
Have people around who positively influence the way you look at yourself and help you to be self compassionate too
- Step back and look at the good things around you:
Make a list of three things you are grateful for everyday which will in turn bring your focus on the positives around you. An expression of gratitude brings a shift in the perspective on how you would like to start your day.
Make a start today, becoming more aware of your inner voice, bringing in a focus on the positive, building self esteem, resilience and a sense of self worth.
We at LeanonMe are just a call or chat away to help you through this journey.
AUTHOR: Smitha, Lead Counsellor
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