You can’t get past it, but you can get through it.
Losing a person in your life can be a heart wrenching experience. With the increasing number of Covid cases, we are experiencing enormous distress. The current situation is incomprehensible. There are multiple forms of loss around us; leaving us to grieve for long.
We have experienced loss during this time indicating that we need to try to understand what we are going through. The process of grief and our reactions to it change over time. When we constantly expect ourselves to ‘find answers to the Why questions’ we feel exhausted, unfair and powerless. Even though feelings are fleeting, they still affect us in certain moments of our lives. Acknowledging the sorrow, pain and anger will help you to understand the process of grief better.
But, we still find grief hard and struggle to cope with it. It is because we want a straight road with well laid plans, but grief is uncertain and bumpy. The twists and turns in our life can be sudden, shocking and even lonely. A common statement we tell our self is, ‘I never asked for this. Why did this happen to me?’ It is fair to ask these questions and feel angry with the events. When the pain is intense, we naturally avoid it and ‘try to move on’. Thenndral. S., MBPsS, who is a Psychotherapist, said “You don’t move on, you move with the grief”. Indeed, we cannot ignore our feelings forever; we need to learn to manage it.
There is always a choice- to turn away or towards discomfort. If grief is unaddressed on a continuous basis, it will boomerang back with tension. Facing the painful experiences can teach you life skills. Example, when you experience sorrow- you learn vulnerability; anger can tell you about unfairness; loss can help you value things more.
There isn’t a fixed set of standards, solutions or answers to go by. There is no rule book for grief. But, there are ways to understand your personal meaning in this journey. Firstly, sitting with your feelings is a sign of respect to what you are experiencing. Secondly, writing your thoughts, worries can help you to find clarity and meaning. Thirdly, confidently stating what you need can boost your self-esteem. Looking inward while grieving, focusing on the current path you are creating and just doing your bit, even if it is one small thing per day will be helpful.
The current path may not be the same as before. It could require multiple attempts to re-construct. This is the challenge we need to face. Every day is not the same. Some days, you may have a wavering smile while other days you may feel desolate. This fluctuation is a part of the process of grieving. Thich Nhat Hanh said, “Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.”
If you find yourself unable to move through your grief on your own, please reach out for professional help. We at LeanonMe will be happy to help you.
AUTHOR: Sneha, Associate Counsellor
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